VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
