As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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