It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
