I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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