She's like a pop up book from hell.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
