hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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