so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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