Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
