If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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