um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
