Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
