I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
