I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dick very happy bro
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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