Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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