I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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