I think I am morally bankrupt
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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