yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
