so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
