There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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