i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
