I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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