We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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