do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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