After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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