Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
