so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am naked and annoyed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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