my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
