her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
