I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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