Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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