I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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