btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
