ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
