Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
