There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
