The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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