IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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