sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
