I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
