I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
