We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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