I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
