so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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