Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
