I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
