so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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