I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
