this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
