he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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