he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
