I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
