why didn't you poke me back
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
