i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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