Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
