woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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