are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
