Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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