piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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