A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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