I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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