She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
