At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
