Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she was so not down for the gang bang
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
