Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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