Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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