I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
