and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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