Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
