You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
