I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
