i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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