you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
