Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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