How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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