you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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