u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
